As if the relationship between husband and wife is not complicated enough, there are her parents, his parents (what if there are 'steps?'), grandparents, siblings aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends! Mix in an 'ex' or two and you may have chaos! Granny told me, "When you get married, you're marrying the family!"
A young couple will have to decide together how they will spend their holidays: your parents' house, my parents' house, or our house? Frequently this is a tug-of-war, a battle of the wills, a source of never-ending misery. What if both sets of parents expect you will, of course, spend the holiday at their houses? What if they don't even live in the same city? Someone will be disappointed!
JaneAnn always dreaded Christmas and Thanksgiving and New Years and birthdays. The family always had to go to her husband, Thomas' parents' farm way out in the country. It was expected. JaneAnn and Thomas were having their own problems; she was trying to keep the marriage together, so she went. Thomas' mother was positively horrible to JaneAnn because she was the only one in the entire family who was a different religion. The mother-in-law was beastly! When Thomas cheated on her, JaneAnn had enough and left him. Now, she says, she looks forward to holidays!
I've also heard of families where the Granny makes no secret that she favors one particular grandchild over another or the children from one family over another or that step-children are never accepted. How hurtful!
Please, please never return to a house where you are "put-down," insulted, or otherwise verbally abused! If your spouse doesn't stand up for you with his or her parents, your relationship is in very serious trouble!
Another sorry scenario is one in which an abusive spouse isolates the family and never wants to go anywhere for holidays or any event. There is a big difference between this and a family who truly wants to spend the holiday at home and then visit relatives, say, between Christmas and New Year's.
God has a message for us in the very first book of the Bible, Genesis, Chapter 2, Verse 24: "A man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body." This means that the new family must come first. Just because Grandma or Great-Grandpa or someone insists that everyone in the family come to their house doesn't mean you want to or need to comply! Consider what is best for your family!
You are truly blessed if you want to go to a particular home for the holidays. I feel very blessed to be invited to one of my children's homes for a big holiday party! And I also feel blessed when they come to my house for another holiday. Somehow, it always has worked out well!
Now what will you do for the holidays this Christmas season?
Lord, most of the holidays are really Your Holydays - Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's, etc. Even on the Fourth of July we thank You for "God sheds his grace on America!" Please help us work with our families to have very happy celebrations!
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