Situation: Carrie was a 30-something clerk in an office building who had never been married. Brad was a 40-ish professional working in the same building who had also never been married. After they met, they dated for a month. Five weeks later, Carrie called Brad and informed him, "I'm pregnant. The baby's due -------." Never having fathered a child, Brad was in shock but agreed to pay Carrie's expenses.
Soon thereafter, Carrie went shopping: $13,000 for maternity and newborn clothes and more than $10,000 for baby furniture. Brad was again in shock but paid the bills. Carrie wanted to move in with Brad. She did, for several months, but it didn't work out.
The baby was born; Brad paid the hospital and physician expenses. Carrie wanted to move in again. Brad didn't allow it. Carrie was planning on being a stay-at-home mom but had to get a job and rely on her relatives or day care to take care of the baby. Brad pays reasonable child support, health insurance for the baby, but not enough to support both mother and child. He takes the baby at least one day a week but usually drops the baby off at his mother's house or tries to get other relatives to care for the baby.
Lessons learned: How totally irresponsible and selfish it is to have sex without being married! If you have sex, you need to prepared for pregnancy, and either care for the baby after birth or let the baby be adopted. Those are the bare facts. Being a nurse, I could tell you about many children born with the couple using every form of 'birth control' known to humanity. The only 100% reliable method is saying, "no!"
And what about abortion, the 'back up' method, if birth control fails and your sex results in a baby? Seriously, do you really want to think about your baby being killed, in excruciating pain? You may think you could live with this, but the reality is, you won't be able to live with it forever. Post-abortion, both women and men will, for the rest of their lives, see a child about the age of the child they had but threw away and think, "Oh, my child would have been that old."
Why wait for the commitment of marriage to have a baby when approximately 50% of American marriages end in divorce? Marriage is legal and moral protection for the child. If you marry for love, are responsible and mature enough: this is the best situation in which to nurture a child. Don't you want to have the best for any child of yours?
Outcome: Brad never intends to get married. While he is a 'nice' gentleman, he's an alcoholic but doesn't admit it to himself. He has had a series of beautiful girlfriends with whom he never once considered marriage. Brad's friends encouraged him to get DNA testing for himself and the baby to see if the baby really was his. He just couldn't bring himself to do this.
Why did Carrie try to 'trap' Brad into marriage with a baby? Apparently, Carrie's mother had several marriages and divorces; with each successive marriage, she married a man with a better job. Carrie was trying to follow in her mother's footsteps.
Brad and his family are obviously 'well-to-do.' While Brad intends to support the child till age 18, many other men could not or would not do this.
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