Situation: Louise loved people! She was pleased to have many friends from an early age. Then she met Jonathon. He seemed to fit in with the college dating, taking Louise to dances, plays, movies, sometimes alone together, sometimes double-dating, and also with a large group. Louise came to dearly love Jonathon. She transferred to another college her junior year. Then she only saw Jonathon when he could get off work, perhaps once a month.
When they dated, it was even more fun, more special. She was flattered when Jonathon told her, "I really would like to have you all to myself." At times, she still would like to go dancing or double-date with friends. Jonathon always would be 'busy' and 'couldn't get off work' at those times.
Louise, who was engaged to Jonathon by this time, started to put two and two together. Could it be Jonathon just didn't like people! Louise wanted to go to her college Homecoming Celebration, with Jonathon. He couldn't get off work. Louise decided to skip the whole thing and committed to her part-time job instead.
Just before the Homecoming Parade, Jonathon showed up in her city, without even calling her. She happened to still be at her dorm. She told Jonathon, "I have to go to work. I wasn't expecting you." Jonathon didn't seem disappointed and turned around and drove to his distant city.
Louise was confused.
Lessons learned: Had Louise been more experienced, or had she decided to talk about her confusion with a trusted counselor, friend, or clergyman, she might have had the answer to her two plus two equals: the man just doesn't like people. You need to decide if you can live with this or not.
I've seen quite a few 'socially unmatched' couples. One person just likes to stay home - there's nothing wrong with that - and the other likes to be with friends at times. The social person seems to suffer more than the stay-at-home person. Some people just leave the spouse at home and go where they please. It can be a very lonely life.
Outcome: Louise and Jonathon married. For several years, there were moves to several cities for Jonathon's career and there were several children. Once in a while, Louise would really want to go to an outing with Jonathon. Usually, he refused. One time he was shamed into going to dinner with a neighbor couple. He was so obnoxious that Louise vowed to never ask him again.
The marriage did not survive. This was just one of many insurmountable problems in the marriage. If only Louise had known to take seriously the warning signs!
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