The Relationship Equation

Background:  Remember the old Bonnie Raitt song, "I can't make you love me"?   One person being totally 'in love' with another plus another person who is not 'in love' with the same person does not equal a love relationship.  The second person may think of you as a friend or even exploit you as a lover, but if the feelings are not there, the reality is that there is no love relationship.

Situation: Amelia knew she was in love with Sean.  They were both in their mid-twenties, both worked together in the same office, both single.  Amelia looked more forward to work with each passing day because she knew Sean would be there.  Sean was flattered by Amelia's attention; she was a smart, very attractive lady.  Yet something was bothering him.  She was getting a little too close; it was making him uncomfortable.  How should he approach this?  They worked together very well.  He didn't want to offend her.

Amelia couldn't wait!  She felt Sean treated her in a kind, gentlemanly way.  Maybe he was just shy.  She would take the first step: she would ask him out.  One day at the copy machine, Amelia asked Sean, "Hey, Sean, I've got discount movie tickets.  Wanna go somewhere Saturday?"

Sean thought she was over-stepping a whole lot.  He did not want to go anywhere with her.  He preferred their relationship to stay exactly where it was.  But how to approach this?  Sean replied,  "You know, Amelia, you're a super friend.  But I've had this policy for a long time; I never date anyone from work.  I've seen too many people get hurt.  But I really appreciate you asking me.  Thanks a lot.  Let's put our project papers in order now."

Lessons learned:  Love can't be rushed.  Love is delicate, tender, exciting.  Nearly everybody wants to be in love.  But love has to be between two people or it is not a relationship.  It's hard to wait but we must.  In time, love will blossom.  Love is a decision.  Wait to make this decision.   Be patient.

Outcome:  Both Amelia and Sean learned from this encounter.  Sean was more business-like;  he realized he did his share of flirting and toned it down.  Amelia learned to not jump in and feel 'in love' with someone before she knew what he was feeling about her.