Baggage #2: Expectations

Background:  "Baggage" are past hurts, attitudes, and habits that we bring with us through our lives.  Baggage weighs us down, burdens us, prevents us from having the happy lives we could create.  If we recognize this baggage, we can try to relieve ourselves of it and leave it in the past, where it belongs.

Situation:  Aaron, Julie, and I were neighbors who rode together our freshman year at the University of Dayton.  We had great chats as we lived north of the city and traffic was always heavy.  Julie and I were pleased with the courses we were taking but Aaron hated his subjects.  He complained endlessly and was frequently late when we picked him up. Julie and I were extremely frustrated while waiting for him.  We decided that the next time he was not on time, we would 'sit' on the car's horn till he came out.  It happened and Aaron flew out the door!  "What are you doing?" he blurted, "My dad says you're going to wake up everyone in the neighborhood."

That cured Aaron of his tardiness but not his hatred for college.

Finally, we figured out what was 'eating' on him:  Aaron shared that he was a Engineering student and he hated everything about his studies.  He wanted to be a doctor but his dad was an engineer and said that Aaron had to be also.

Outcome: Aaron was suspended after his first semester (that's really hard to do!).  Julie and I were busy with our own studies, jobs, and boyfriends, and forgot about him.  We don't know if he and his dad ever resolved dad's unrealistic expectations.

Lessons learned:  Are there any unrealistic expectations lurking in your past?  I was lucky in that 'as a girl,' my parents had zero expectations for me except eventually getting married.  Not so lucky my brothers, though!  My dad was harder on them to excel in school as was my husband on our sons.  I asked one of them one time,  "Why are you so hard on the boys?"  The response: "They'll have to work hard all their lives."  As if women don't have to work hard all our lives!!

Think about your own children.  It's one thing to encourage them to study hard and succeed but another thing to tell them what they should study or what job they should take or in what city they should live.  Of course, as parents, we have more experience, and maybe wish we would have gone further in our schooling.  Let's talk with them instead of at them.