Two Depressed Men

Situation #1:  Cassie and J.B. have been married for over thirty years.  Their children are grown and live in distant cities.  J.B. has been severely depressed and suicidal for six years.  He has not been able to work during that time.  J.B. refuses to get counseling and refuses medication.  Cassie signs a new contract with him every morning before she goes to work, stating that he will not commit suicide that day.

Situation #2:  Jayne and Steven have been married for over twenty years.  They have two teenagers and a younger child.  Steven has been depressed for most of his life, as far as he can remember, still works but refuses to see a counselor or take medication.  Jayne works part-time.  She is highly stressed and feels like she has raised the children by herself because all Steven wants to do when he's home is sleep.

Lessons learned:  When I worked in Behavioral Medicine, all a person had to say to get admitted to a hospital, from the emergency room, was "I'm going to kill myself."  Today, as far as I know, an actual suicidal attempt has to have been made. The rule for admission is: the person is a danger to self or others.

Depression is one of the most easily curable of psychiatric illnesses. With counseling and medications, most people can be greatly helped.  The first key is: the patient has to WANT HELP.  The second key is: the patient has to be faithful in taking 'mood-lifting' medications.  ALL medications, even the common aspirin, have side effects!  The patient has to be willing to deal with some side effects, at the beginning, at least.  This may be only temporary sleepiness.  The results are well worth it!

If you are dating or considering marriage to someone who is depressed, very, very sad most of the time, realize that just because you love them, it won't help their depression even slightly. Love does not cure depression or any psychiatric illness.  Suggest that the person seek counseling.  If the person does not seek counseling, seriously consider ending the relationship (gently, of course!).  Any out-of-control psychiatric illness is helped only by professionals, if the patient wants help.  This is a sad fact.  Should you waste your life?  The person could not, as long as he or she is seriously ill, be a full partner in a relationship.  Pity is NEVER a substitute for LOVE! 

Outcome, #1:  Nothing has changed with Cassie and J.B. except that Cassie will retire soon.

Outcome, #2:  Steven finally took Jayne's advice to see a counselor.  He was really cured of his depression by the medication and the talk therapy.  Steven said, "I never knew I could feel so good.  I never remember feeling this good my whole life."  The family now has fun, goes on trips, and actually has a happy life together.