Situation: Jenny was a lovely young woman in her early twenties. She and her boyfriend, Howie, were expecting a baby. They lived in a small house of Howie's. Jenny has paid half the mortgage ever since she moved in with Howie. Jenny was worried that after the baby was born, she would be unable to return to work due to the high cost of daycare; her job pays minimum wage. Howie said, "No way can you quit your job; you have to do your share.
Lessons learned: It is pure foolish to live with someone, pay half the mortgage without your name being on the deed also, in the hopes that 'someday' they'll decide to marry you. It's happened so many times: someone decides to call it quits and the person who has been paying 'his or her half' gets nothing. Years ago, banks wouldn't lend to a married couple unless both names were on the mortgage (although I did know one man who attempted to do it that way). And they wouldn't lend at all to the rare couple who wasn't married. Banks also wouldn't let an unmarried couple get a joint checking account; it was too irresponsible, a bad risk. Nowadays, banks don't care whose name is on the mortgage, as long as you're human, have a 'not too bad' credit rating, and a job. If you default, oh well, the bank will take your equity - you lose, they win. A situation like this could be a very, very expensive lesson to learn!
Besides the financial part of this situation, there is the child, of course, the most important party here, to consider. A child deserves two parents, mom and dad, to nurture and care. They need to be committed to each other, married!! Please don't let yourself into a situation that may jeopardize a future child or children. You both deserve more!
One time I witnessed a conversation between an elderly gentleman and a young woman. She was brash enough to tell him that she and her boyfriend were 'living together.' The old man didn't understand. He asked, "Why don't you just get married? What are you afraid of?" She replied, "We're afraid we'll get divorced."
Outcome: Jenny and Howie have a new little girl. Jenny returned to work. The little girl is in daycare. Jenny is not happy.
Am I being too hard on Jenny by considering her 'Just One More Fool?' Perhaps I should have said, 'Just one more person who HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY.' What do you think?
I think Jenny is an idiot. 1) for paying on a mortgage that she is not on the deed for 2) either having an unplanned child with her boyfriend, or not planning the child and 3) for continuing to live in this bad situation that is controlled by Howie. If I was her, I would be working on my education or whatever she needs to do to get a better job and leave Howie. Let's face it, if he loved her, he would want her to be happy.
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