Staying for Children, or Money?

Situation:  Mara and Bernard are staying married, after eight years and several children, 'just for the sake of the children.'  One time, their son, age six, witnessed one of their hot arguments in their bedroom and told them, "You two don't even like each other."

Mara would very, very much like to leave the marriage, and Bernard has threatened to do so many times.  Yet they are barely making it financially.  To have to maintain two households would be overwhelming since Mara has no marketable skills.  Mara and the children would have to go on welfare plus she would have to take a minimum-wage paying job - or two.

So they stay together.

Lessons learned:  You are just plain not ready for marriage and family if you don't have a marketable job!  Both husband and wife need to be able to get a job, especially in our uncertain economic climate.  No one's job is secure, regardless of what they think!

During the point of highest unemployment in the U.S.A., several years ago, an acquaintance of mine was reduced to selling her cooked casseroles at her church to scrape by when her husband lost his job.

Staying in a hopeless marriage is training for children in how to live and how to love.  Do you want your boys trained in how to abuse their wives?  Do you want your daughters trained in how to be a victim?  (I'm not being sexist here, statistics say nearly 100% of abusers are male.)

There is no easy answer to this problem.  If Mara left when she first realized Bernard had no intention of trying to be a decent human being to his family, no intention of getting counseling - ever, she and the children would have a life of poverty.  She thought that would be worse than living with Bernard.

Outcome:  After more years of misery, Mara left Bernard.  She had gone to school and could earn a basic income.  When they divorced, she, being the naive victim to the end, believed she would have no financial help from Bernard because that's what he threatened her with for years.  Her lawyer nearly laughed, then explained, "Oh, no, you will get an income for you and the children from Bernard and he will still include the children on his medical insurance.  His is the easiest to take care of - he has a regular job."  So, for the years the children were still at home with Mara, the income from her entry-level job and Bernard's child support actually added up to be more than Bernard's income.

The entire family actually benefited from this divorce, painful though it was.  Bernard really is happier without responsibility and Mara and the children didn't have to put up with him.